Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
