I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
