Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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