yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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