well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
