Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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