where does the pee come out of this thing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
