I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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