Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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