we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
