No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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