problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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