I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
