Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?