sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now