you would pick up someone in the library
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
