I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
