I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
