Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
