Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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