so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
