seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
