Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
