Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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