Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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