Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
