I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
