watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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