i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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