I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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