he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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