Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
