You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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