the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
