Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
