I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
