it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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