Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
