8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
