Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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