In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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