I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
