Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
