i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im part way to drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize