Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
