Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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