Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize