Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
