It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
