I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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