I faked an abortion last night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
