He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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