I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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