Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize