haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
