A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
