dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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