why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm always down for nudity.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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