The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize