You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Panties = found
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
