You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...